Viva... viva... viva... LAS VEGAS!

We're in las Vegas bitch!

Sorry

I have a lot to do in school right now and so many stuff on my mind, so sorry if I'm mistreating you my dear readers. I will get better maybe next week, when things slow down a bit. I have so much gossip to tell you!

Time for a shower and then school! Tonite me and darling Erica are flying to LAS VEGAS!

First day in school after a great break

Pics from the marvellous trip here.

Sorry I haven't updated but I had classes today and then I spent all day with Erica and my aunt. Classes were really interesting and sound so much fun!

I'll try to update more often!

Limo tour and champagne in LA

One word: CRAZY! Crazy fun! Had champagne and vodka all nite. Went to 2 pubs/clubs... Don't remember their names but they're supposed to be really famous. Crazy fun! Hooked up with a metrosexual stuntman/model/actor... Crazy fun! Posting pictures later. Hehe.

Today we took a stroll down Hollywood Blvd and the Walk of Fame and did some shopping and had some really nice sushi. Just had some burgers from the hostel's bbq and now we're chilling in the lounge. Tonite is a pub crawl so we'll see what happens... Hard to be more fun then last night though. But hey, never say never!

Hollywood baby!

La Jolla Cove

Point Loma

We just arrived to Hollywood and checked in to another branch of USA Hostels. Our room is great and for a moment ago the sun shone through our window. Now it's raining again... Tonite we're going for a limo tour around LA: Hollywood Boulevard, Beverly Hills, Rodeo Drive and the Sunset Strip. All included: champagne, vodka, nice company, cover to a nite club... Sounds like it's gonna be an amazing nite!

So yesterday we took Deniz's car and roadtripped to Point Loma, Sunset Cliffs and La Jolla. It was a terrible rain storm wherever we went, but we were amazed by the beauty of nature... Too many beautiful pics to chose from, so I'll do an album on Facebook later. I love South Cali!

Last nite was crazy fun! The pub crawl were to 4 different places: a nice and cheap bar, a country-bull-riding nite club (I rode the bull!), a piano bar and finally a nite club for some shaky shaking. After party and chilling in the lounge back at the hostel lead to one thing and then another... Erica came into my room at 6am with our bedlamp... Yes.

The USA hostel gang: Irish, Brazilians, Swedes, Australians...

Roadtripping around San Diego

Erica is taking a nap and I'm sitting in a comfortable couch in the hallway, blogging and listening to the rain splatting against the roof...

Today we defied a Californian rain storm and took a really amazing roadtrip up to La Jolla. We visited beautiful Point Loma, had burritos in Sunset Cliffs and were amazed of La Jolla and its famous coves. Thanks to our excellent friend and driver Deniz, we saw so many beautiful views that all of us decided we didn't want to go back to Sweden again...

Tonight awaits a pub crawl with the cool people in the hostel. It's gonna be great! Even though it's pouring outside...

First day in San Diego

The day started with a pancake breakfast at our lovely hostel. Then we ran into Erica's friend Deniz and took a stroll along the harbour, with exquisite views. When it started to rain cats and dogs we went to TGI Friday and had some great food. Deniz went for a nap and we went shopping. Urban Outfitters, Victoria's Secret and Forever 21 was all we did for 4 hours. Crazy... After that we went to the hostel and went on a Tacos and Tequila night with the people in the hostel. It was loads of fun and we got to know a lot of cool people. Gotta love the hostel life.

I'm sorry I sound so boring but I'm drunk. Margarita and Bloody Mary (yuck!). Well, see you tomorrow

Indian food in the Gaslamp District

Great Indian food - check!
Coke with a taste of sewer - check!
A walk in beautiful Gaslamp District - check!
New York fireman asking if he could buy us a drunk - check!
Jetlagged Erica who went to bed at 10pm - check!
Really looking forward for tomorrow - check!
A promise that pics will come up tomorrow - check!
Text message from mr Romania - check! Hehe.

Talk to you tomorrow!

In San Diego!

After a long train/bus/train ride to South Cali, we're finally here! We both are showered and fresch and are about to go and have a bite somewhere nice. The USA hostel in San Diego is in the famous Gaslamp Quarter and really, really nice and we have wifi and free pancake breakfast. So I'll keep you posted about our adventures every day!

By the way, the date with mr Romania went well. Very well. He lives in a $4000 house and is a total charmer!

Date with count Dracula

I'm off to a date with the blond Romanian. He sounds like count Dracula when he talks. Am I disturbed for thinking that's hella sexy?

After that, off to the airport to pick my darling Erica! Wooo!

Always fun at Tre

When I stumbled out of the car with a bottle of sparkling rose, I knew it was gonna be a good night! First me and my buddy JoJo hung out and had some nice rosé (or pink wine as they call it here) with his half Japanese roomie and Micah, his dog. Then we took a cab to Tre to meet up with the German guy and his buddies from the gym. They were good looking I guess, but a too stiff. A bunch of guys who stood by the dance floor and looked for meat.

But me and JoJo had a good time drinking tequila with Patron, Coronas and Sierra Nevadas and gossiping about our friends. Ran in to my dear cousin and his beautiful girlfriend. When I lost my friends I hooked up with these two really hot guys, D & D. One was a dark haired engineer and the other one was a blonde Romanian with a perfect smile. I had a hard time deciding who was the most charming. We were the last one to leave the club. They called me twice after we left and wanted me to go to Denny's with them... I bet they wanted something else... But me and JoJo went home, made some japanese wonton thingies and he went to bed, I went to the couch. With my leather jacket and boots on.

Party like a ockstar, right?

The only pic I took. Jules & JoJo are checking out some babes...

TRE

I'm off to Tre!

Dilemma

I'm still registered at my family's old address in Linköping, but if my parents split up and move to two diefferent places... Does that mean I'm not registered at any address in Sweden? Does that mean that I don't have a home in Sweden. Does that mean that I'm homeless?!

Sunglasses

My uncle entered my room and looked in chock at my 6 pairs of sunglasses. "Are you gonna start up a business?" he asked me. It's tough to be a girl!

The Rayban Wayfarer-model is my favourite. Got brown ones ($2 from Hong Kong) and black ones with corrective lenses. Can you see the difference between my real sunglasses and the 3D glasses?


My "I'm in Miami bitch" glasses from..? No idea.


My darlings from Miu Miu


I love how these compliment my face!

Long day

Had to get up at 10 this morning to go to work. Walgreens got the H1N1 vaccination now, so it was a very busy day. My feet hurt as hell after today. The German guy wanted to party at Tre and celebrate his buddy's b-day and my Yoga partner wanted to party at Azukar. I just wanted to watch Avatar in 3D and sleep. Avatar was very good, my friend James was good company. Now I skyped with my mother for hours and I'm so tired and depressed. Shit, there is no good in life.

Wonderful presents from wonderful friends

Swedish candy from my darling Erica!

My favourite chocolate from my oldest friend Mimmi! We've known each other for 17 years... Me and Mimmi that is, not me and Godiva...

I got presents!

From my dearest friends Erica and Mimmi. Tomorrow, you got to see what's inside..!

DILF on a plane

Ok guys, I just have to tell you this funny incident! After running sweaty from one terminal to another at Phoenix Airport, I sat down and waited for my flight to Sac. I saw a handsome, 30ish half white, half black guy sitting and playing and joking with his 2ish years old, very very cute son. Big, strong men who have a good hand with kids are pretty hot = DILF (dad version of MILF). So I sat there and watched them for a while and wondered if my future husband would be that good. When we boarded they sat just in the seats in front of me across the lane. I slept, read about the 17 places to go 2010 (and Sthlm was in it!), stared into the air, sighed, drank apple juice and listened to ABBA the whole trip and didn't really care about the people around me. When we finally arrived at Sac airport and everybody was preparing to get off the plane, I suddenly heard:
- So what kind of Asian are you?. It was the DILF who looked curiously at me.
- Vietnamese. I answered.
- Oh, I see. You look exactly like my mother! Don't take it the wrong way...
I was pretty surprised and laughed. I looked like an old black lady? I thought.
- Never heard that one before... But you're not asian, are you?
- I'm half japanese! And I didn't mean you look old. You look like my mother 30 years ago!
I just laughed and then we were busy getting off the plane and walking to the bagage claim. I half ran to the bagage claim so my uncle didn't have to wait for me too long. When standing at the bagage carousels, sweaty, pale, dead tired and unattractive, the DILF showed up again with a smile.
- So, what do you do in Sac? he asked me.
- I'm here for studies, for one year, and then I'll go back to Sweden.
- Oh wow I see, but why Sac? Isn't it boring here?
- Haha, yeah it definetely is...And you?
- I'm here for work, for six months and then back to Atlanta. So how old are you?
- You cant ask a lady about her age!
- Well, as long as she's under 30, it's ok!
- Oh, well then! I'm 22.
- Can I get your number, maybe we can do something?
I stared at him and then at his ring finger. No ring, but still...
- Oh, I thought you were married or something...
- Haha, no I have a kid, but I'm not together with his mum...
- Oh ok, yeah sure...
- Ok, I'll give you a call this weekend!
When I went outside to meet up with my uncle, I ran into him with an old Asian lady.
- That's my mom! he smiled.
Weird. I allready met his mum... I'm sure he's just feels lonely in a new city and need new friends. He's 30ish, he has a son, he has a job... Not really my type of guy. But you have to try everything in life once, right? Girls just wanna have fun! And so on with all the clichés...

So, I just got home from the airport and just sat down for some midnight snack with my aunt and uncle. Now I just unpacked everything and I am dead tired. Walgreens tomorrow 12-4pm!

All over the country

It hasn't really hit me yet that I won't be seeing grandpa today...

I'm waiting for my flight at Minnesota's giant (giant, I tell you!) airport with a venti hazelnut ice latte. This drink always makes me think about my asian twin and our crazy nights. That may sounded a bit naughty...

Well, I'm boarding in 30 minutes so, I'll keep chatting with my twin. Mexicano and my other wonderful friends!

Erica is comin' on Sunday! Can't believe it! It's gonna be crazy fun!

Room 501 - the last day

When I stepped into the room 501 today I knew it was gonna be a good day. Grandpa sat up and smiled when he saw me. He had all by himself allready drunk a bottle of Ensure. The food was in front of him and with a little help from me he actually ate a little bit more. Then he sat and chitchatted with his sister for a while, talked on the phone with my mum and guess what? He even had the strength to correct my terrible vietnamese. He smiled a big smile when my aunt took a picture of us. So did I.

The janitor who has been so cute to me and fetching me teas and stuff all the time, came in today and smiled his big smile. He asked if I was leaving tomorrow and I said yes. He wondered if he could get me some tea and my grandpa's sister accepted his kind offer and told him that I really liked him. (What?) He came back with the tea and took my hand to shake it. "You take care now, allright!" he said, smiled and left us. My grandpa's sister was smiling funny. Just minutes after that I ran into him in the hallway again. "So will you ever come back?" he asked me smiling. I told him that I didnt know, maybe this summer. He just smiled and said "you are a very pretty girl!". When I was back in the room and grandpa's sister just left, he suddenly stormed into the room. He took my hand to shook it again with these words: "I just wanted to wish you a safe trip back home, good luck with everything, school, your career, be a good girl, listen to your parents, enjoy life, take care of yourself, maybe one day you can come back to see me again!". I was quite shocked and just smiled and thanked him. He turned away to leave and then turned his head to look at me again. "You are a very lovely young lady." was his last words. Wow...

When the bright sun had set grandpa eventually woke up from his afternoon nap. And he actually wanted to have dinner. I helped him and was having a hard time not focusing on that this was the last time I helped him with his dinner. Or that it was the last time I held his hand and patted his shoulder. When dinner was done I sat down next to him. He thanked me for spending time with him. I tried to cheer him up. Told him to eat well and get better, so me and my sister could visit him this summer. He seemed very enthusiastic about that idea and promised he'll try to get better. I told him how lucky he should be to have so many children and grandchildren who loved him so much. He aggreed and smiled. I gave him a big hug and at first he seemed surprised and then he hugged me back. Our first and last hug. I didn't cry. My last words to him was "Au revoir".

Grandpa has always been unselfish, he shares the little he has with everyone and doesn't want to bother anyone. He would never say that he is in pain or talk about his sad feelings to make the people who loves him worry. I have a feeling today was partly a charade to make me happy, on my last day with him. Now, whatever this cheerful day was because he had a good day or simply because he wants me to remember my last day as a good day, I don't know. I just know that this old, weak man still loves life so much and this disease is taking so many years of love, life and adventures from him. It's not fair.

I'm not sad. Not yet. I'm just so damn proud of being his granddaughter. I hope I will be like him one day. Strong, cheerful, passionated, kind, unselfish and life loving. My last day with grandpa was a good day. But who knows, maybe I'll see him again. And that day will definitely be a good day.

My wonderful grandpa

The Invention of Lying

funny and simple movie which mock Christianity and touches deeper questions as life after death, love and logic. In a world where everybody can only tell the truth a man learns how to lie. This makes his life turn around. From loser to Jesus. Literally... But the Hollywood ending ruined the movie a bit, at least for me.
Grade: NNN

Finally...

... I'm going to bed. It's 4.28 in the morning. Cheers.

Room 501 - day 8

It's a steady downslope. Grandpa didn't eat anything today, he just drank some Ensure and slept the whole day. I couldn't even read the newspaper for him, like I usually do. He didn't want to listen to music or talk to any of his many callers. It's just so sad how his condition is getting worse so fast. The only positive news right now is that he isn't in pain. He doesn't really feel anything. No hunger, no need to do anything, no pain... He's just tired and wants to sleep. We can only hope for his ending to be that merciful. Just falling asleep, no pain, with his beloved around him.

I was sitting and holding grandpa's hand today, wondering what he was thinking. Is he afraid? Is he happy with his life? Is there something he regrets? Does he believe in life after death? But I don't want to scare him with these questions. His body may be weak, but his spirit is still strong and he just want to go home and live his normal life again. Talking about these things may crush his spirit... Or should I ask him these questions?

Yesterday a new patient arrived to room 501. An Indian man who had a stroke and is really in bad shape. His poor face is skull-like and he's hardly aware of anything around him. His sweet little wife patted me on the head and sighed "That's life". And then she looked at me and whispered: "Poor girl". Why does everyone feel sorry for me?

The Scotish gentleman in the other bed is really in bad shape too. He had a stroke 3 months ago and had four by-pass operations. It's a miracle the old, overweight man still lives. Last week he was still happy, sitting up eating and cheering me with "Tootsie". He just seems so tired. Just sleeping and not eating like my grandpa. It's not long now... It's unbelievable, how fast things go in this department of palliative care.

Dorian Gray

En exquisite take on Oscar Wilde's book The Picture of Dorian Gray. The actors are amazing and the movie captures the right atmosphere: hedonism, evilness, sinful lust and of course vanity. Dorian Gray is a young man discovering his youth and beauty can give him everything he wants in life. Standing in front of a glorious painting of himself, he wishes a painting of him could age instead of him, unaware of that his wish will come true... Must see! At least for the sake of Ben Barnes, who is perfect for the role of Dorian Gray. Well, Barnes is kind of perfect in every way...
Grade: NNNN (out of 5 N)

3 movies you have to watch

Grab your napkins, girls!

Room 501 - day 7

Today was a beautiful day. It was a warm and sunsnowing day. Seriously, it was only -3 Celsius! Grandpa ate, not much but still, he ate. Five (5!) old Vietnamese ladies and one old Chinese chump from his "fanclub" visited him and cheered him up. It made him happy. Grandpa's sister sat with us almost the whole day and talked non-stop with her squeaky voice. I adore that little lady, but today I just wanted some time with grandpa. For dinner he actually ate a little mashed potato, steamed fish and some Minestrone soup. That made me happy. Which made me recover a tiny bit of my apetite back. I probably ate more today than on my whole stay here so far... I'm exaggerating.

Another night without anything to do or anyone to talk to (except Q, thanks man!). A part of me just wants to go back to sunny Sac and enjoy my carefree life and plan fun things for E's visit. Another (huge) part of me wants to stay here in ice-cold Toronto. At my grandpa's side. I just want to sit next to him, hear him breath, listen to his voice and watch every wrinkle of his face, trying to force it to my memory so I'll never forget him. I know I won't. But every second with him is priceless. I wish I could stay with him until his last day... In September 2009 the doctors told him that he had about 6 months left. Now it's January. I really dont know how I'm gonna get through these months..? Just waiting for the horrible news that surely will come... Right now it just feels like I will never dance, laugh and party ever, ever again...

In exactly one week me and my dear friend Erica will be on our way to San Diego, LA and roadtripping the Californian coast. Right now it just feels so urreal. She is staying in Cali for 3 weeks and I'm going back to school the 25th, but we're planning the 1 weekend in Las Vegas and 1 weekend in maybe San Francisco or somewhere close to Sac. I hope we'll have a good time even though I'm gonna be a wreck.

Only 2 days left by his side...

Looking like shit in a present from grandpa's wonderful sister

Min oppa fyller år!

Room 501 - day 6

Idag blev jag väckt av att min moster ringde och sa till mig att somna om. Hon kom in tidigt till sjukhuset och tyckte jag kunde ta sovmorgon idag eftersom det var synd om mig. Synd om MIG?! Men eftersom jag somnade 4 igår så somnade jag tacksamt om. Hann även webcama lite med min mor och syster innan jag åkte till sjukhuset. Det var mysigt och välbehövligt.

Ännu en dålig dag. Morfar åt nästan ingenting. Han drack bara lite Ensure (näringsdryck) och sov. Jag och hans granne som kom med och hälsade på, masserade hans händer och fötter och han såg lycklig ut för ett tag. Han fick även prata en stund med min mor och syster och han verkade ha roligt. Men när han lade på suckade han "Äntligen...". Han har fortfarande humor, min älskade morfar!

Kom hem redan vid 20 eftersom morfar ville sova ifred. En hel kväll för mig själv med mina tankar. Inte bra. Jag saknar mina vänner i Uppsala, i Sac, i hela världen... Hoppas att ni kommer ihåg mig, för jag tänker på er!

Blek, mittbena och kort hår vs solbränd, snedbena och långt hår?

To my foreign readers

I've noticed that the numbers of my readers outside of Sweden are increasing, so I was thinking of writing my blog in English. But I dont know. I'm not that good in English. Anyhow, you know that there is a translater tool on my blog right? It's right below the Sacramento clock. With that gadget you can translate my blog into a lot of different languages. The text get a bit retarded though, since Google Translate is a pretty lousy translator. But it's allright.

Welcome to my blog, my new friends!

Room 501 - day 5

En dålig dag igen. Morfar åt nästan ingenting. Trots mina bönfallande försök. Han mådde dåligt hela dagen och var för trött för att göra någonting. Jag satte på lite musik åt honom och satt mest och tittade ut genom fönstret på det strålande vackra vädret. Jag orkar inte göra något när morfar lider. Tur nog kom morfars mysiga yngre syster in och satt med honom en stund. Hon kände min mor sedan tiden i Vietnam och blev så förtjust när hon såg mig. Den gamla damen kramade mig hårt flera gånger utan anledning och tyckte jag var en kopia av min mor. Det var mysigt att ha henne där. Moster ville köpa souvenirer åt mig så vi åkte en kort stund till ett stort mall. Jag köpte en bäver och små jättesöta smyckesskrin. Tillbaks på sjukhuset såg vi att morfar inte ville äta något till middagen heller. Han såg så trött och svag ut. Ingen bra dag helt enkelt.

Sjuksystrarna och personalen börjar känna igen mig och försöker muntra upp mig med värmande ord och massa skämt. Tänk vilka bra människor det finns i världen.

Kanadas symbol: lönnlövet. Smyckesskrin vars lock kan användas som brosch och de små löven kan användas som örhängen.


Min nya vän mr Beaver.

Them daft Canadians... part 2

Heard in the hospital:

- Waa, you shine even more than the sun! You make me wanna swipe the floor in this room every day, all the time... (charming young janitor, the second time I met him)

- You are so pretty! Everytime I come in here I think about how pretty you are! (random nurse)

- I thought you were Filipino, but you are Chinese right? (random nurse)

- Hello tootsie! Oh, that smile made my day! (grandpa's Scotish roomie)

- Now ladies, dont panic! (grandpa's roomie who fell and tried to comfort the nurses)

Shines more than the sun, eh?

ZzzzZ

Ladies and gentlemen, the Naffe ska sova innan klockan 1. Detta händer bara en gång per år och måste därför dokumenteras! Vill även ge er en bild så ni ser att jag lever och är välmående (nåja). God natt!

Jag må se ut som ett spöke, men jag lever än!

Them daft Canadians...

Hört i Kanada:

- You are not from here, are you? (Subway-tjejen, när jag stirrade länge på mina kanadensiska mynt)

- Well, hello there girl... (sliskig indisk snubbe)

- Oh, I was gonna say that I thought you were from America, but I didn't want to get into trouble!

- I'm from Sweden...
- Holy cow!

- My dear, you made me so worried.. .But you look so different! (min morfars beundrarinna stormar in på sjukhuset och kramar FEL gubbe i rum 501)

Tur att min humor fortfarande är intakt.

Room 501 - day 4

Redan nar jag vaknade i morse med ryggont, snubblandes med huvudet in i badrummet och tappade bort viktiga saker,visste jag att det inte skulle bli en bra dag. Morfar hade matt daligt hela morgonen och ville darfor inte ha sin sjukgymnastik. Han at knappt nagot pa hela dagen. Han bara sov. Middagen at han nastan en timme senare an vanligt. Han horde kanske hur ledsen jag var och fick i sig lite mat till slut.

Det gar upp och ner som sagt. Det ar det jobbiga med den har sjukdomens slutskede. Aven om man han far palliativ vard sa far man upp hoppet varje gang han mar lite battre, for att an en gang fa det krossat de dagarna det ar samre. Det ar jobbigt for honom framfor allt. Min morfar vill ju bara hem till sig igen och leva sitt vanliga liv igen och de dagarna han mar samre verkar han sa arg och besviken pa sig sjalv att han inte blir battre. Men det finns ingenting nagon kan gora nu...

Tack an en gang for alla varmande ord, vanner. Manga horde av sig idag, formodligen pa grund av min vadjan igar. Forlat, var inte meningen att fa ett utbrott pa er och fa er att fa daligt samvete. Oroa er inte, jag hanterar det har ganska bra just nu, kande mig bara lite ensam igar. Alskar er, mina vanner!

Idag var den andra gubbens sang tom...

Morfars blommor fran en beundrarinna

Utsikten fran fonstret

Tack

Tack till allt stod jag fatt av er den har tiden, mina vanner. Det ar verkligen sjukt jobbiga tider nu och da jag behover mina vanner som bast. Kanner mig sa otroligt ensam. Jag ar lite besviken att familj och nara vanner inte ens verkar ha tid (eller modet) att fraga mig hur jag mar. Jag ar Little Miss Sunshine och Stalmannen vanligtvist, men nu ar jag bara manniska.

Jag kanske inte vill prata om det med er nar ni fragar, men ni anar inte hur mycket jag uppskattar ett "Hur mar du?" eller "Jag beklagar". Behover inte sa mycket mer. Bara de oden far mig att forsta att ni bryr er. Ge mig allt stod ni kan! Tack kara vanner.

Room 501 - day 3

Idag nar jag kom in i rum 501 stralade solen in genom fonstret. Morfar ar inte ensam var min forsta tanke. En glad tanke. En rar vietnamesisk gumma och hennes gubbe var och halsade pa min morfar. Min moster hjalpte morfar med maten och han sag svag men glad ut. Gubben holl min morfar i handen och pratade och log. Tanten berattade for mig att hennes man var nara van till min morfar, "spagubbe" och jatteduktig pa att lasa i handflator. Okej, tankte jag.

Nar det gulliga paret och min moster gatt laste jag som vanligt lite ur tidningen for morfar. Han somnade snart och jag gick ner till cafeterian och tog en tuna-Subway. Nar jag satt i solen och fnissade till gamla Shakespear in love kom ytterligare tva gubbar for att halsa pa morfar. Han ar banne mig popular! Skulle han ha Facebook skulle han ha fler vanner an mig! De pratade och skrattade lange och sedan var det dags for middag. Morfar at mat och drack te helt sjalv utan min hjalp! Hans telefon ringde och han behovde inte min hjalp for att svara heller. Jag ar arbetslos! Men sa glad och stolt over min morfar.

Jag vet att det kommer att ga upp och ner och att vissa dagar kommer att vara samre an andra. Men just nu ar jag bara sa glad att morfar hade en bra dag. I morgon kommer sjukgymnasten och ska hjalpa morfar att ova att ga lite igen.

Tyvarr medforde dagen andra sorger. Min morfar ligger i samma rum som tva andra gamla gubbar. Idag var en av gubbarnas hela familj och en prast har och bad for den gamla gubben. Det ar nara nu for honom. Fick en klump i halsen och kande verkligen med familjen. Undrade om jag skulle fa vara med om nagot sadant snart...

Man kan se downtown och CN tower fran morfars vaning.

Kopte minibananer och mango till morfar.

Morfar ar en gentleman med snygga skjortor, hangslen och hatt.

Sjalvklart ar han patriotisk sydvietnames ocksa

Room 501 - day 2

Lång dag... Var på sjukhuset 12-19. Somnade på tunnelbanan hem. Men morfars status är densamma. Han är svag och mår illa ofta, men äter bra och verkade lite piggare idag. Han lyssnade uppmärksamt på nyheterna jag läste honom och tittade till och med lite på fotona jag satt upp. Fyra gamla vänner hälsade på idag och som alla tyckte att morfar såg så bra ut. Men vad säger man? Till middagen började illamåendet komma tillbaka och det gjorde så ont i mig att se honom lida. Man är så maktlös. Men med lite antiemetika så kunde han äta middagen utan problem. Jag är så stolt över min kämpande morfar.

Såg My sisters keeper idag när morfar sov och bölade som en idiot. Läkaren trodde att jag grät på grund av min morfar och såg beklagande ut. Kunde lika gärna vara tårar för morfar. Underbar film om familjekärlek och döden. Men fick mig att grubbla mycket.

Tänk om jag går in rum 501 en dag och morfar är borta?

Min morfars bokhylla. Så mycket fina bilder på hans stora familj. Så mycket kärlek!

Min coola morfar har Corona-solbrillor. Hur coolt är inte det?


Morfar är hängiven filatelist.

Room 501 - day 1

Idag hälsade jag på morfar på sjukhuset för första gången. Jag tänkte gå upp klockan 9 men gick upp halv 11. Trött. Det snöade och jag hade på mig två lager av allt. Jag tog en buss, tunnelbana och en till buss för att komma till sjukhuset. Gick genom mintgröna korridorer med leende sjuksköterskor och hostande åldringar. Åkte en hiss med en gammal brittisk gentleman till läkare. Gick genom ett virrvarr av korridorer och rum med sjuka människor. Stannade vid rum 501. Tvekade en sekund.

Det första jag såg var dock inte min morfar utan 2 andra åldringar, en sköterska och min moster. Men sedan såg jag honom. Han såg så liten ut. När jag gick närmare och min moster hojtade till plirade han på mig med sina intelligenta och klara ögon. Han kom ihåg mitt namn och visste exakt vem jag var. Ett leende. En svag handskakning. Jag log till min förvåning också. Han verkade så svag och trött, men järnviljan fanns där. Han sade att han var glad att jag var där. Jag sade att jag också var glad. Jag berättade att det snöade ute. Han såg sorgsen ut och sade att han inte varit ute på länge...

Jag spenderade dagen med att sitta vid min morfars sida. När han sov lekte jag med min laptop, och kollade på "Veronika bestämmer sig för att dö" (Paolo Coehlo, dåligt val i dessa tider). Jag hjälpte honom med middagen som han åt galant och läste lite ur en vietnamesisk tidning för honom. Försökte småprata om ditten och datten. Det kändes så bra. Att kunna göra något för honom. Även om det var en sån liten grej som att räcka honom hans tekopp. I slutet av dagen kom hans vänner in med blommor och min moster hämtade mig för att skjutsa mig hem.

Min moster tycker att jag ska åka på lite utflykter så jag inte blir uttråkad. Men just nu känns det så avlägset att ens vika från morfars sida för att åka hem och sova. Hon frågade mig även över middagen om jag visste vad palliativ vård är. Det vet jag efter år av apotekarstudier. Då slog det mig att han kommer att lämna oss. Jag fick nästan panikångest. Hon berättade att morfar inte ville acceptera att han är slutskedet nu utan att han fortfarande vill att man sköter hans blommor tills han kommer hem. Det är så sorgligt. Min starka morfar... Denna man som känt så fysiskt avlägsen, men ändå alltid funnits i mitt liv, är plötsligt här framför mig och jag älskar honom av hela mitt hjärta.

Jag vill bara göra allt för att få honom att må bra. Har ni varit med om något liknande och har tips på hur man muntrar upp och ser till att han är vaken och pigg, berätta gärna. Funderar på att ta med lite foton och sätta upp på hans anslagstavla på rummet. Kanske köpa lite kakor som jag vet att han gillar och kan äta nu. Ta hand om era nära och kära och uppskatta varje minut ni har med dem! En dag är det för sent.

I morfars lagenhet

Antligen ar jag framme. Sov sa djupt idag (de fa timmarna jag fick sova) att jag knappt markte nar planen lyfte, landade, serverade dricka... Sag underbara vyer pa NY och vackra snolandskap nar jag da och da vaknade till, men inte ens fotogalna jag orkade ta fram kameran. Bara sov och sov. Jag gick pa och av planen som i en drom. Tack och lov att jag kom fram till ratt stad...

Ar i morfars lagenhet nu. Den ar valdigt mysig och valdigt morfar. I morgon ska jag helt sjalv aka och halsa pa honom pa sjukhuset. Ar lite orolig for hur jag ska reagera och hur jag kommer att kanna. Men det ordnar sig. Jag ar har for att muntra upp och ta hand om min morfar. Mina egna kanslor och sorg far jag ta senare.

Har internet har och kommer att blogga varje dag formodligen. Ni hanger val med?

P.S. Hittade lite yogavideon pa youtube igar och korde framfor datorn. Yoga + somnbrist = zombie-Naffe. Inga flygplansragg idag alltsa. Daremot slog jag i huvudet jattehart. Charmig!

Sömnig för en gångs skull

Vanligvist kan ni se mig pigg och alert online bloggandes eller msnandes vid den här tiden. Bara för att jag vet att jag ska åka om 1 timme så är jag så sömnig ikväll... Får inte sova förrän kl 6 om jag har tur... Hoppas bara säkerhetskontrollerna inte bitchar efter det som hände i Newark. Kommer att flyga 3,5 timmar till Dallas, transfer 3,5 timmar till New York (LaGuardia) och till slut transfer 1,5 timmar till Toronto. Shit, jag mår illa bara jag tänker på det. Vi ses på andra sidan!

Hmm...

Om mitt flyg till Toronto går 6.00 och jag måste vara där 2 timmar innan på grund av säkerhetskontroller, måste jag vara på flygplatsen 4.00. Vilket innebär att jag måste åka 03.30. De senaste dagarna har jag gått och lagt mig vid 3.30. Så lösningen på denna ekvation är väl bara att inte sova alls inatt?

Det här gör mig ju inte mindre deppig...

Tung väska, tungt hjärta

Försöker packa inför morgondagens tidiga flyg (kl 6.00). Är sorgsen. Har fått besked om att morfar nu ligger på sjukhus och förmodligen inte kommer att kunna komma hem till sig igen. Jag ska alltså åka dit, bo själv i morfars lägenhet och hälsa på varje dag och försöka muntra upp honom. Känns så bra att kunna träffa honom och vara med honom i hans sista tid. Men hur ska jag kunna hålla mig från att gråta? Jag får en klump i halsen redan nu av att tänka på honom. Min alltid glada, kloka, franskpratande, frimärkssamlande, starka, simmande morfar...

För bara någon månad sedan...