Room 501 - day 8

It's a steady downslope. Grandpa didn't eat anything today, he just drank some Ensure and slept the whole day. I couldn't even read the newspaper for him, like I usually do. He didn't want to listen to music or talk to any of his many callers. It's just so sad how his condition is getting worse so fast. The only positive news right now is that he isn't in pain. He doesn't really feel anything. No hunger, no need to do anything, no pain... He's just tired and wants to sleep. We can only hope for his ending to be that merciful. Just falling asleep, no pain, with his beloved around him.

I was sitting and holding grandpa's hand today, wondering what he was thinking. Is he afraid? Is he happy with his life? Is there something he regrets? Does he believe in life after death? But I don't want to scare him with these questions. His body may be weak, but his spirit is still strong and he just want to go home and live his normal life again. Talking about these things may crush his spirit... Or should I ask him these questions?

Yesterday a new patient arrived to room 501. An Indian man who had a stroke and is really in bad shape. His poor face is skull-like and he's hardly aware of anything around him. His sweet little wife patted me on the head and sighed "That's life". And then she looked at me and whispered: "Poor girl". Why does everyone feel sorry for me?

The Scotish gentleman in the other bed is really in bad shape too. He had a stroke 3 months ago and had four by-pass operations. It's a miracle the old, overweight man still lives. Last week he was still happy, sitting up eating and cheering me with "Tootsie". He just seems so tired. Just sleeping and not eating like my grandpa. It's not long now... It's unbelievable, how fast things go in this department of palliative care.